Minivans and the Men that Love to Hate Them
Nov 4th, 2010
by Alexis Novak
You know how it is smart to avoid politics and religion discussions when in mixed company? I would like to add minivans to the don’t-even-go-there list. In the last year I’ve discovered how vehemently parents feel on both sides of the minivan debate. Since when did the choice to minivan or not to minivan become a debate anyway?
As I currently research my next vehicle purchase, I am getting a lot of push-back from my husband when I’ve confessed my minivan yearnings. My brother attempted to translate. He explained to me that to men a minivan equates to the “death of youth”. My cousin’s husband’s concurs and his motto is that driving a mom mobile means “you’ve completely given up on yourself”. As my lease runs out on my Jeep in 30 days, my husband is furiously searching the internet for an SUV or crossover that can do all that a minivan can on the inside and not look like one on the outside. I wished him luck! I had already come to the conclusion that a decent alternative doesn’t exist unless you want to drive a living-room sized SUV and break your back lifting the kids up, in and out of it.
I can’t help but think all this anit-minivanism stems from the Toyota Sienna’s commercials.
Toyota’s marketing of the Sienna, a.k.a., “swagger wagon”, has attempted to sell that “parents driving minivans are actually pretty cool”, or looking a little deeper they say, “we know minivans aren’t really cool but our keen sense of humor wasn’t destroyed by the children and we still know how to laugh at ourselves”. (I can agree with the latter.) I think these ads back-fired and left some parents saying, shut up Toyota, they are not cool no matter how hard we are laughing at the ads of parents rapping in front of their pimped-out Sienna. They polarized the parenting set.
But a minivan is a minivan is a minivan, right? There must be something more as two dear friends of mine admitted they both cried the day they bought theirs home. For me, driving a mom mobile doesn’t attack my dwindling coolness since my self-proclaimed coolness these days is most directly connected to being a mom. Are minivans sexy? No. Practical and safe? Hell yes. For the current phase in my life, the practical wins out.
Am I a tad worried that my minivan will make my butt look big? Of course. But then there is the IPod doc, the DVD player, the remote controlled doors, and the seven different seat formations to alleviate my concern. I could also crank Notorious B.I.G. with the windows down and cruise my ‘hood on the days I am feeling more soccer-mom than hipster.
I am no Women’s Studies major but I believe men hate swagger wagons because a minivan is like a giant womb on wheels and we all know how they feel about being called a vajayjay. The delicious irony is that they are not the primary drivers of the metal, 6,000-pound womb. The moms are. So the mom vote, and in this house, mine, should count twice. No womb left behind.
Next month, look for me driving a black minivan around with orange flames licking up the sides. I find it cool to embrace my current reality. The sexy red corvette will just have to wait.
*EDITOR’S NOTE* Are you a hot minivan mama? H&H would like to feature you! Send in a photo of you and your van with the answers to these questions to lea@hotandhealthymom.com:
1. Your name and of course, your minivan’s name and year of conversion
2. The funniest or most surprising item found in your minivan?
3. If money weren’t an issue, what’s your dream car?
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