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by Alexis Novak

When I was 12 my bestie Maureen and I would mix food coloring into talcum powder then leave the mush on my driveway for the sun to bake it into homemade makeup. While my parents are disappointed to this day that I didn’t become the next Estee lauder, I still have a serious love of product.  Makeup is transformative. Even if I have kiddie hand stains on my jeans from the knees down, a decent face makes me feel put together and ready to conquer the crap my day is surely going to toss me.

Here are the products that moms must have on hand to do a quick morning makeup. I give products ideas for both Frugal Chicks following the budget and Eff It Gals who don’t care to.

Step 1- A tinted moisturizer that does double or triple duty.  Neutrogena Healthy Skin Enhancer Tinted Moisturizer ($12.29) is for the Frugal Chick.  With SPF 20 and Retinol, this product is a good primer before anything else, filling in pores and evening out the blotchies.  Then ranging from $55 to $85 depending on where you buy it, you can score Neocutis Journee Bio Restorative Day Cream with PSP.  Apparently PSP is a growthhormone helping patients post-surgery heal faster though I really don’t care what it is so long as it keeps making my skin all dewy.  It also has anti-oxidants, hyaluronic acid and SPF 30.

Step 2- Next, a light makeup like Maybelline Instant Age Eraser Treatment Makeup ($12.99).  The collagen in this product makes it glide and stay on and the weird eraser tip applicator rocks.  Or, Laura Mercier Tinted Moisturizer SPF 20 ($42) which I have been slathering on for about a month and received about four “you have amazing skin!” compliments.  No lie.  Go out and buy this today.  It says the coverage is lightweight but I find it more buildable and breathable than foundation.

Step 3-  In years of hardcore research that I would call age 12 ‘til now, I have never found a decent drugstore substitute for my dark under-eye-ness.  Now as a sleep-deprived mom, I believe nothing is more important than covering that shit up.  Do not go cheapo in this category.  I use both Benefit Erase Paste ($26) and Laura Mercier Secret Camouflage ($28), both on Sephora.com and both worth every penny.  The Benefit product is thicker so I use that when I need serious coverage like banishing a period zit.  The Laura Mericer kit has one light concealer and one a little darker for blending.  I’m a total sucker for blending because it makes me feel like the frustrated artist that I am.

Step 4- Look alert! I am a devout eyelash curler because it makes me look like I’ve actually slept.  The one that makeup artists swear by is Shu Uemura ($19) but the Tweezerman is a decent alternative for 12 bucks.  Then comes my favorite part- drenching my lashes in very black thick mascara.  I loved Lancome mascaras for years but then discovered Covergirl’s Lash Blast Volume ($7.79) which helps me achieve that full, dark, dramatic look that dangerously borders on stripper-ish, I mean goddess-y.  I look amazing from five feet away, just don’t get close-up.  Also, don’t get waterproof.  It layers poorly and you have to tug lashes out to remove it.  My current favorite mascara is Fairy Drops Scandal Queen mascara ($24) for the times when I want to look like one of Gwen Stefani’s teenage dancers who are dressed like big baby dolls.  For me, this is most days.  This mascara has a cult following and is the #1 selling mascara in Japan because it helps achieve that gothic-naughty-school-girl-thing with its freaky, patent-pending wand.

Writing all this, I am starting to wonder if I need more therapy.

Step 5- Blush is a tricky lair.  You buy a pale-ish pink and then it doesn’t even show up on your face.  Here’s the deal.  You need a cheery pop of color on the apple of your cheekand it should be darker, more rosy or mauve-y than you think.  I love all of the blushes in boxes that Benefit makes like Sugarbomb, Dandelion and Bella Bamba, it’s lastest spring look ($28 each).  I have no time to look for a blush brush so I like that the built-in brush is ready for me.  You can get the same look with Physician’s Formula Powder Palette in Blushing Rose ($10.99).

Step 6- Kissy face.  I’m currently loving Covergirl’s Outlast Lipstain in Cinnamon Smile, Saucy Plum and Teasing Blush ($7.99).  Don’t we all want to look as fresh and fun as Drew Barrymore? These pens actually do stay put and aren’t drying.  Later in the day I layer with a Burt’s Bees tinted balm.  Another good apply-once-and-not-worry-about-again choice is Stila long wear lipcolor crème ($20).

Step 7- Possibly the most important for morale and mojo is perfume.  Or scented-body lotion.  Something divine smelling that makes you feel a little less like a diaper-changing, dish-washing, bath-giving, meal-prepping beast of burden and more like a sexy fem-bot.  Well, even just a little bit.

Up next, my fave skin products list…

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by Alexis Novak

There comes a time in every woman’s life when you look down at your left ring finger and your ring no longer looks like you anymore.  Now if you are one of those sweet and silly sentimentalists who believe your love really lives in your original engagement ring then you should stop reading here and pick up a romance novel.

The rest of us cold-hearted realists know that your old ring is merely a symbol and you are still married after all these years so maybe the time’s right to celebrate your love with a trade-up. Oops, I mean a redesign.  At least this is what I am currently thinking as we skip toward nine married years next month.

Amidst my obsessive ring research I’ve discovered the personalities of diamond shapes and am teaching myself all I ever wanted to know about baguettes, split shanks, half bezels, milgrain and micropave.  Here’s what the diamonds are saying to me.

First stop, we need to chat about the Solitaire.  She is the classic beauty.  3 out of 4 engagement rings sold hold this brilliant stone.  Timeless and elegant, she is also the most expensive.  My hubs picked out my Tiffany-style solitaire with pave band over ten years ago.  It’s beautiful.  But while she is a safe choice style-wise my fiercely high six-prong setting scratches important things like cars and babies so I hardly ever wear her anymore. (Damn those mean old lady looks I get while pregnant walking around the grocery store!)  I love the shimmer of the solitaire. She is a sure lady-like thing that you could never tire of.  She is all horseback-riding lessons, Connecticut and Jackie O., while the Pear is her glamour-puss-bad-ass little sister.

One of my favorite pears is actress Katherine Heigl’s sublime 3-carat engagement ring,very Marilyn Monroe in her white robe blowing kisses from the balcony.  Heigl’s ring sports a rose gold halo around the stone, giving it an antique feel.  The pear makes a rebellious statement I dig.  Some women are cool with asymmetrical shapes like pears and marquises, others wouldn’t dream of it.  It is good to remember though that since solitaires and princess cuts are most popular you could get a larger asymmetrical one for less, and if you are being honest ladies Big is always better.

Gorgeous and curvy Ovals and Cushion-cuts are coming back too, thanks in part to the estate ring that Katie Holmes rocks and the many celebs also buying vintage bridal jewels that favor these shapes.  Rebecca Romijm’s beautiful canary yellow oval with a split shank gives the same retro feel, while making fingers appear long and skinny.  You could buy actual vintage or look for antique reproductions that will be easier to repair and less delicate knocking around on your finger all day.  Or if you are a supremely damned lucky gal, you inherited an amazing family ring that just needs some updating.

The more rings I look at the more school girl giddy I get pretending to be their owner.  I am easily seduced by the sparkle.  I envision myself in many different styles and stones.  I like modern and vintage.  Cushions and pears.  Art Deco bezels, semi-mounts and hand-carved Edwardian cages.  Side stones and halos and mixed metals, oh my!

If only I had fellow Pisces Elizabeth Taylor’s budget I would surely have a collection to rival hers.  Today I will keep researching, riding my jewel journey buzz, not wanting it to end with a decision.  As Liz well knows after seven husbands, the hunt is much more fun than the kill.

*Along with being a regular H&H contributor you can also follow Alexis at Damn Scribbling Mommy*

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by Alexis Novak

I must confess that babies used to freak me out.  I wasn’t the type to oooohhh and aaahhhhh and shove new moms aside to hold their barfing bundles.  I loved the idea of “baby”; the fantasy of teeny pink clothes and tiny fingers and beautiful sleeping baby coos.  I just never understood the attraction to the littlest beans who scream incessantly but can’t tell you what’s wrong. I preferred toddlers, teenagers and a few more communicative ages in between until I had my own little birds.  Now I have officially joined the club of weird baby holders. And I hear that tick tocking for a third time.

This week as my youngest turned one a familiar bitter-sweetness snuck up on me and I found myself thinking about one more. (I got pregnant the week after my first daughter turned one). Is there a mental disorder that makes women want to collect babies? Am I the Lady Gaga of pregnancy or is it my wacky hormones? These were just a few of my thoughts. It may not be just hormonal though, as my husband practically knocked me over to hold our dear friend’s angelic 5-month-old son last weekend before me.

Now, part of my Baby Lust problem was that well-meaning Tanya bought me this fertility book a few years ago that scared that bejesus out of me so much that we conceived that very month. It was either called, “Damn Girl, Your Eggs are Old!” or “Older Moms Birth Circus Freak Babes”.  I can’t remember the exact title but the thesis from this frightening book which altered the very course of my life was that if you want babies, you had better try to make them today before your eggs are too fried…and they will be fried sooner than you think.  The entire book was comprised of interviews of highly successful women across multiple career fields (Diane Sawyer types) who admitted they wanted families but never put their careers on hold long enough to actually plan them.  Then they woke up one day in their 50’s, highly-accomplished, but missing spouses and children and living with regret.  Even though I was only 30 reading this book and had no reason to worry about my own fertility, I knew my future babies needed to be planned ASAP.  The book encouraged women not to wistfully waste away their fertile years thinking that science could ensure their older eggs get fertilized when they wanted children later.  It argued that the media gives false hope to older moms by focusing on rare success stories but gave the grim “true” stats of the trying-to-conceive aging woman which were in fact depressing.

So I had one baby.  Then another one.  I could exhale.  I didn’t forget to have the kids we really wanted.  But the urgent feeling didn’t go away for long.

Maybe some women have unending Baby Lust and nine kids to show for it but my case comes on strong right after first birthday cake candles have been blown out. Urbandictionary.com defines Baby Lust as “When a woman is really in love with the idea of having a baby and thus wants to ogle every baby or baby-item she sees. She may not mentally want to get pregnant, but she has the physical and emotional urge.”  Yep.

Now we are mulling over the idea of expanding our brood.  I might or might not have already retrieved my fabulous maternity wardrobe from storage…

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by Alexis Novak

If you want to know the secret to Asian students’ academic success and the downfall of Western parenting then pick up Amy Chua’s book “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother” wherein her answer for raising smart kids is to mercilessly ride their asses until they fear you enough to score straight A’s.  Or consider the actress formerly known as Blossom, Mayim Bialik, new Today Show Attachment Parenting Mommy blogger who requires extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, home schooling and natural birthing if you truly love your children.

I wish there was a perfect mathematical equation to decent parenting that I could adopt, but I am highly suspicious of those who think they have the answer as Chua and Blossom claim.

First, Chua, a highly-educated law professor and mother of two is smug and relentlessly proud of her parenting model which she calls “Chinese parenting”.  Its sole goals are achievement, obedience and excellence through academics and music only.  Her daughters were never allowed extracurriculars like sports, sleepovers, and socializing in general. Ever.  They aren’t allowed to make their own choices or assert their independence.  Does her formula work academically?  Yes.  Her daughters are classically trained musicians, having been accepted into Pre-College Julliard programs, performing at Carnegie Hall and considered child prodigies.   If achievement is your idea of successful parenting then Chua is the expert and you should follow her advice accordingly.  Some things you will need to do to create children like hers: enforce daily mandatory 90 minute piano practice on kids under the age of 6, even after coming home from regular piano lessons.  While traveling abroad, force the kids to practice hours a day even if it means missing the Coliseum (isn’t this missing the point of traveling in the first place?).  Emphasize competition and being the absolute best in each class.  Is this stressing you out yet?

Chua criticizes Western parents for being indulgent, overly concerned about children’s self-esteem and allowing children to give up on themselves.  She preaches comparing siblings and pushing them to their breaking point because she always knows best.  An A- is a failure and should be punished accordingly.

I had to laugh out loud at her birthday dinner chapter when her children make crappy homemade birthday cards for her that she demands they remake because they aren’t crafted to the girls’ full potential.  She might have raised musically gifted perfectionists but there seems zero room for joy, spontaneity, or growth from screw-ups.  She admits about herself, “The truth is I’m not good at enjoying life. It’s not one of my strengths. I keep a lot of to-do lists and hate massages and Caribbean vacations. Florence (her mother-in-law) saw childhood as something fleeting to be enjoyed. I saw childhood as a training period, a time to build character and invest in the future” (Chua 97).  I am sure this zero-down time approach has produced two daughters with serious anxiety.  In fact, her second daughter rebelled so harshly against her at 13 that she was forced to take it down a notch.

I also couldn’t help but notice that though she clashes with her Mother-in-law’s parenting paradigm and criticizes this sophisticated, liberal, open-minded Jewish woman, her husband was equally as accomplished and maybe more so than Chua.  Husband Jed is also a law professor at an Ivy League school who briefly studied drama at Julliard.  And yet, when Jed’s mother asks Amy for one full day with each granddaughter to have unscheduled summer fun, Amy cannot say yes, thinking that one day off (from Chinese parenting) will hurt their music.  High expectations are essential but think her methods of never letting up and criticizing every aspect of her kids until the bitter (she claims successful) end is hardly the Holy Grail of parenting.  I also find her husband to be neither partner nor sidekick, more of an eerily silent afterthought.  He has no voice or vote in her dictatorship wherein Amy’s obsession with her children’s perfection possesses her every waking moment. I wondered about her own identity when the children leave home and she has no one to bark at and train anymore.  I guess that’s why she keeps adopting dogs.  She sees her children’s academic achievements as a direct result of her emotionally suffocating discipline.  They aren’t their own people, just clay to mold, who will never be able to make decisions for themselves.

Then, on the opposite side of the continuum, we have Attachment Parenting founded by Dr. William Sears.  Attachment Parenting has become a cultural phenomenon and its new poster child is Mayim Bialik.  The former actress who played spunky Blossom and now has a Ph. D.  parents using no time-outs and refuses to teach her kids manners like please and thank you.  Her book, “Intuitive Parenting”, isn’t out yet but I think I will pass on reading it.  Attachment Parenting works under the premise that babies are social creatures and need to be close to their parents through baby-wearing, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, home-schooling, gentle discipline and “elimination communication”.  How many women can breastfeed their children on demand, co-sleep with them at night and wear them all day?   Answer: moms who are out to win the gold medal in Motherhood Olympics so they can make the rest of us feel like shit.  Isn’t it healthy for both mother and child to detach sometimes?  I have trouble imagining how common sense moms could keep up these strict principles and what a failure they would feel like it they couldn’t.  I know because I failed at Attachment Parenting when I was unable to breastfeed and it made me feel awful.  Attachment Parenting’s answer was always to try harder.

My main issue with both Tiger Moms and Blossom Moms is that their theories prey upon mommy guilt, campaigning that the more (discipline or attachment) you give your children, the better they will turn out, at the expense of your own needs.  Like sacrificing a healthy relationship with your spouse.  Or sacrificing your sleep.  Or having your body to yourself for a minute.  I am over moms being told to give up more to make our children more.  In both of these models there is no such thing as healthy boundaries.  It’s crap.  Modern moms need to focus more on themselves to achieve balance.  Martyr Mothers are so out.

I am still searching for a common sense parenting book, one that doesn’t tell me I am not trying hard enough, so tell me if you find one.  If not, I may have to begin writing my own.

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