By Alexis Novak

I can’t help it, I’m a name snob.  I’ve always loved my name, Alexis Alden, which was unique and underused until recently.  (This year Alexis rose to #16 on the most popular name list).  So when we named our daughters we wanted them to have names that wouldn’t be extremely popular and would have a vintage, ultra-feminine vibe yet still emote strength and moxy.  As my mom says, “Could _______ (insert name here) be president of the board?”

I have a Julia (#50) and a Scarlett (#114) who were almost Avery (#23) and Lucy (#75)- names that still rank on my future baby’s name list.

Ask any teacher, the name choice for your beloved offspring speaks much about your style and aspirations of your child’s future.  I find myself trolling nameberry.com and babynamewizard.com whether pregnant or not and studying the new baby announcements at my pediatrician’s office.  I have also gone so far as to ask my pediatrician’s office how many Ava’s (#5) they have as patients.  Is that wrong?

Here are my personal naming rules.

1.  No sibilings with the same first letter.  I have an affinity for J and S names but think it’s totally 80’s when people have 4 kids named Mary, Meredith, Milly and Marge.  Once again, don’t be like the Duggars with their army of J-named brats.

2.  No made-up names.  I am consistently shocked by the popularity of fake names like Jayden (#8), Makayla (#44) and Neveah (#34). Maybe they go back to biblical times but they don’t seem like real names to me and my Microsoft Word agrees.  They feel like strange combo names that no one will ever be able to spell. This kind of naming “creativity” will be a curse to your child when they go to school. Which brings me to…

3.  No phonetically incorrect names.  Ever.  Spending years in the classroom, I can call myself an authority on the ways parents torture their kids with names that don’t sound the way they look.  A classic name, albeit a bit boring, wins over phonetically unsound any day.  Isn’t Katherine better than LaKatherynne that is pronounced LayKatherine?  Just sayin’.

4.  No names that lend themselves to weird nicknames. I love the name Isadora but dread Dora the Explorer as a nickname.  I also like Adelaide but worry about the laid component.  Same with Layla (#45).  High school is brutal.  I’m an authority on that too.

5.  No unisex names for boys. I went to high school with a male Kelly who was pretty hot and well-liked but I would never name a boy a mostly feminine unisex name.  A male Ashley or Shannon better be the hippest Irish kid in school to pull it off.  Unisex names are much easier on girls.  Even mostly male names like Charlie, Ryan and Cameron sound cooler these days on little girls which is a trend I’m hearing a lot of lately.

6.  Pass on explosive pop culture names (especially at the beginning of the trend when the names appeal to the masses).  If you don’t mind your child being one of five Isabella’s in her class, far be it from me to judge.   I like the five most popular and ladylike girl names, Sophia, Isabella, Olivia, Emma, Chloe, but don’t want my kids to have to go by a nickname because there are multiples.  If you pick a name made recently huge by “Glee”, “Twilight” or “Pretty Little Liars” then forget it.  If you pick a name that is already monogrammed on a crib quilt in the Pottery Barn catalogue then you have reached the ultimate in yupster popularity and that name has already peaked.  It happens to the best of us.  Then you simply have to…

7.  Wait for the popular to become unpopular again.  Naming trends are always cycling.  I like many popular names but I would wait five years to name a child a formerly very popular name like Ella (#13) and by then my eggs will have expired.  You could also just name your baby the name you like and not give a crap about popularity.  What if your fave popular name isn’t big in your area anyway? Check the babynamewizard maps which tracks where in the country parents are naming their baby boys Aiden.

8.  Give a nod to your ancestors.  Half the reason I’ve done genealogical research is to discover interesting family names like Olive (#546) and Mathilda (#800).  I took a something borrowed, something new approach to naming by giving the kids familial middle names from their grandmothers and then original first names.  We all deserve our own identity (I am not a fan of juniors for this reason) but history is important too.

9.  Keep the name a secret until the baby arrives.  How rude is it when you love a name while pregnant and then everyone weighs in that they hate it?  Once the birth announcement is out and they see that precious bean no one will be rude enough to say they hate the name.  Ok, well some will…

10. The name I am in love with is a name my friend hates.  I had a friend tell me that she was surprised I picked Julia since it was so plain and she expected “more” from me. And my sweet Julia was over a year at that point.  Then another pregnant friend said within my ear shot that she hated the name I chose. Um, thanks. Maybe I shouldn’t talk names anymore with my equally-opinionated still-breeding friends.  I won’t make fun of your little Neveah if you will leave my Julia alone. Truce?

What are your naming rules? How did you decide on the names of your children?

Check out the Top 100 names here!

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Written by Alexis Novak • 8 Comments