It turns out I am about as good at returning library books as I was at returning movies to Blockbuster. Last week I spent a solid hour and a half looking for 3 seriously past due books. After two very curt phone calls and an astronomical bill from those ‘sweet’ librarians I had no choice but to find the lost books. They were after me. I ended up only finding 2 of the 3 and had to pay $36 for a tiny book about polar bears and of course, all of the late charges. I am obviously not to be trusted at the library anymore. So, I have been buying used kids’ books online instead. That is where I stumbled across this adult-themed gem. I have not laughed this hard in a long time. It wasn’t quite so funny when my mom picked it up to read to the kids but she caught on after a couple pages. Here are a few excerpts from Go the F*ck To Sleep…

The cats nestle close to their kittens,

The lambs have lain down with their sheep.

You’re cozy and warm in your bed, my dear.

Please go the f*ck to sleep.

The eagles who soar through the sky are at rest

And the creatures who crawl, run, and creep.

I know you’re not thirsty. That’s bullshit. Stop lying.

Lie the f*ck down, my darling, and sleep.

All the kids from day care are in dreamland.

The froggie has made his last leap.

Hell no, you can’t go to the bathroom.

You know where you can go?

The f*ck to sleep.

Who doesn’t relate to this?

Written by Lea Barlow • 2 Comments

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Written by Lea Barlow • Leave a comment

This is the first school year I have had to make lunches for the kiddos and I actually really love doing it. As a child, I always looked forward to seeing what little surprises my own mom would pack for me. Because they are eating lunch at school and not at home with me, I have more latitude in my preparations. I know for a fact they won’t complain to their teacher like they would for me. It’s a perfect opportunity to introduce or re-introduce new food choices. Put away the standard peanut butter and jelly and give these versions a go…

Veggie Cream Cheese & Cucumber Slices

Almond butter with slivered almonds and dried cranberries

Blueberry Cream Cheese & Strawberry Slices

Hummus & Chopped Bell Peppers

Apple Butter & Apple Slices

Tuna Salad & Tomato Slices

Whipped Cream Cheese & Blueberries

Written by Lea Barlow • 5 Comments

by Alexis Novak

I lied. Last week I blogged that I would research and tell you why homeschooling is 2-million-children-strong and border-line mainstream. I planned to report out why parents in our generation are deciding to homeschool en masse but I can’t do it. I can’t get past the total lack of logic. I can’t help but be freaked out by Facebook groups and blogs touting their homeschooling methods and group field trips. Homeschooling Co-ops are popping up everywhere encouraging the average parent that they can become both teacher and school to their brood. Sounds problematic, right? Because it is.

I’m fired up and this is me Just. Getting. Started.

Don’t believe the current political rhetoric, teachers are experts who know more than you.

Schools are failing and it’s because of the terrible, stupid, evil teachers. That is mostly what we’ve been hearing in our state for the last year from politicians. Just like politicians, teachers cannot be expected to fix all of our society’s ills that are simply mirrored in our school systems.

Teaching is an art and a science. Teachers are experts in their field based on experience and education.  How could parents (Education backgrounds or non) become experts in the curriculum each school year? It takes years for a teacher to hone their craft and their curriculum for one specific grade level. No one could ever prepare and master all standards and content K-12.  How could anyone effectively teach their varied-aged children every single year just by trading lesson plans with other homeschooling moms? BA-NA-NAS.  No one’s that awesome. I can rock a ninth grade English class teaching them poetry but I am certain my sad math skills won’t help me with my kids’ homework past the fifth grade.

Are homeschooling parents egotistical enough to think they can know and teach Everything? Classics? Calculus? Chemistry? PE? Please.

Character Education

More important than the actual material was that my best teachers illustrated for me how they think. What they valued. How they chose to live and how I could choose to as well when I graduated to adulthood.  My favorite teachers like Mr. Condon, my sophomore English teacher, taught me to see the world differently by making themselves vulnerable enough to reveal to students who they were. These teachers expanded my worldview, past the boundaries and norms of my own family, where I was able to start defining who I wanted to be.

Conversely, I also had one abusive high school teacher who belittled me every day in front of the class to the point that I wouldn’t speak anymore in her room. To anyone.  One time she snarled, “Alexis, stop brushing your hair- that’s the way bugs are spread!” She bullied me until students I didn’t know asked me what I did to her for her to hate me so much. I had no idea. I was new at that school. I was shy and 17. After months of her cruelty, I asked her what I did to deserve her hatefulness and she backed down because she was and is a coward.  In her ugliness she taught me about my strength.

The teachers your children will encounter will be excellent examples of character sprinkled with a few non-examples but we need all of those perspectives to question our beliefs, confuse, irritate, inspire, uplift, and finally create ourselves. One parent teaching at home can’t do that.

Parents are the main teachers of their children but remember that thing about the village.

Homeschooling parents are reading books like “The Unschooling Handbook: How to Use the Whole World As Your Child’s Classroom” by Mary Griffith, which she summarizes, “Unschooling is a homeschooling method based on the belief that kids learn best when allowed to pursue their natural curiosities and interests.”

Good parents do this naturally, not as some excuse to shield their kids from the scary world of other people and school.

See just like “unschooling” parents, I take my kids to the aquarium and teach them about what sharks eat and the symbiotic relationship between sea anemones and clown fish and how Winter the dolphin’s prosthetic tail works over her peduncle. I have play dates to socialize. We finger paint self-portraits. But that alone does not an education make. Those are the fun activities that serve to supplement. After the artsy-fartsy pursuits there are plenty of other skills necessary for a well-rounded child. Can I get into all of those topics? No! Because my knowledge is limited. And I am smart enough to know that I don’t know what she needs to know. I am smart enough to trust that my daughter’s teacher, who is certified in Pre-K knows what the standards are that Punky needs to know! Punky needs many many teachers. We as her parents will always be the lead ones, but for the sake of balance and well-roundedness, we all need the whole village. Thank you, schools!

These are only a few of my millions of concerns about children being “taught” by non-certified parents in their homes. What a disservice to keep kids in a bubble and not allow them to experience other students’ and teachers’ ideas. It’s the ultimate control freak and fear-driven parenting behavior. Whose Kool-Aid did these families drink to decide to “unschool”?

You know that one saying, “Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach”. Here is my revision: Those who can teach, do. Those who can’t, homeschool.

Written by Alexis Novak • 72 Comments